Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
