did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
