Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
