I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
