Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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