Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
