My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
