i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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