I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
