Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
