Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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