are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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