ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
