Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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