I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
