every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
