Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
