my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
