if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
