I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dicks are not precious.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
