I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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