I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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