i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize