omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
