Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
