sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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