Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
