Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
