Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
