Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
