I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In other news, I just burned my penis
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
