I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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