What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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