you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
