You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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