Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
