you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
