I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
