The maid of honor just puked.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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