there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
