fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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