you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
