It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We are all done wearing pants today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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