Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
