I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
