And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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