I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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