I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
