It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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