Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
