We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
