literally had 100 drinks last night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
