Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
