walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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