He uses pillows to masturbate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
