Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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