whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize