if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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