So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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