Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dignity is for republicans.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
