had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Im part way to drunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
