I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize