did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
