Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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