We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
