Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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