dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
