You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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