420 ftw
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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