Screwed.edu
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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