Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I could fuck to npr.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
