i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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