maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
