Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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