He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
