Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Randomize
