dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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