dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
