i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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