my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize