Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
