I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I believe in your delicious
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize