her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
