Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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