I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
