Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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