How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
