so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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