come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
