I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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