Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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