where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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