I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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