My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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