so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize