Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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