I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Randomize
