i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
