I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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