I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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