you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
