Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
