it hurts more in the daytime
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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